We had a great holiday this year… Mostly did absolutely NOTHING. Didn’t fight the crowds at the public fireworks, didn’t go hit the many beaches within walking distance, but rather floated around in our pool for most of the 4th. It had to have been in the 90′s this weekend. Hot, hot, hot!

The kids had fun too. My middle son loves to soak everyone with his new gun. Of course, I wonder why I bought it. I’m the one that usually gets nailed.

One plus is that I finally broke down and got a new bathing suit. It’s nice to be down three sizes from the old one.

Hmmm… A fair skinned freckled girl just can’t catch a break. Notice that I DID apply sunscreen (this time), but apparently not very well as I got considerably burned in strange places. But at least I’m smiling and have more freckles! :D

When it got dark enough, the kids were ready for some small-time home lit fireworks.

It wasn’t “A Capitol Fourth” or anything, but they really had fun.

Sparklers are always a big hit, even though I have mini-heart attacks worrying they will light themselves on fire.

Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if I hadn’t had kids, if I had never struggled with my weight or if I had selected a different life path.

All of these things are intertwined considerably and led to each other in many ways.

I know there are things to come that will be exciting and unexpected and maybe I’ll change my mind on various beliefs, but one thing I do know is I am a blessed individual and I thank the powers that be for my lot in life as often as I can. I’ve learned so much on this journey and look forward to the many new life lessons that are waiting for me.

How did you spend your 4th? What lessons have you learned recently?

Tomorrow I celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary. I was thinking how marriage is so very similar to being on a weight loss journey. Those of you that are married or have been in long term relationships may relate to these comparisons.

There has to be some mutual love and respect between you and your partner (in weight loss your partner is your “body”).


You have to be willing to make some sacrifices and concede at times.


You’re not always going to be right 100% of the time, and you won’t always win the argument.  Who cares about winning arguments anyway?


There’s a lot of joy to be had if you stop and smell the roses – I mean REALLY stop.


Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and be willing to receive and be aware.


Often, the hardest or most difficult part of the journey is the most rewarding when looking back.

I still think back on our early years together as a newlywed couple. We were so poor and things were tough. But we were HAPPY. Maybe it was the newness of it all, or maybe it was because everything was SIMPLE. I suppose it seemed the world was our oyster. It was for the taking. When you are young and in love anything seems possible. Just like with weight loss – when you are first starting out and seeing some results, you think you have it all figured out. Know what I mean?

I’m going to be unplugged from technology for a few days. John and I are going to do some sightseeing and some camping. I love to camp but I’m not all about “roughing it”. I mean a girl’s gotta shower, right? We usually go every year to the same place. This year it will be without the kids but WITH the bicycles.

Here’s where we’re staying.

We’re also going to get some new tattoos. We thought it would be kind of fun this year to forgo the materialistic gifts and just get some nice art that lasts a lifetime. I’ve never been much of a jewelry kind of gal anyway. Maybe I’ll have some pictures to show after the weekend.

Do you have big plans for the Memorial weekend holiday? Will you be trying to get your exercise in?

Last night we headed over to the middle school track. I wanted to run the fastest mile I could, and I thought it would be fun to have the kids there so they could see how much fun running can be.

As I first started to run, my youngest ran with me. She was actually smoking me in the run in the beginning! Then after a few hundred meters, she couldn’t keep up and started crying. Running that mile as fast as I could just wasn’t going to happen – not with my baby watching – she felt left out.

So, we decided to have the kids join in with some relay races. They had a blast and so did we!

My lifestyle change isn’t just about me anymore. It’s also about my kids and my entire family. Getting the kids up and moving with me is a great feeling. :)

During the relays, my youngest was a little upset. She was sad because she couldn’t run as fast as her older brothers. I had to explain to her wining isn’t everything and what was most important is that we had FUN. Of course in her young age, she still didn’t get it, so we raced on the way home and she “won” so that lifted her spirits a lot.

I hope for this holiday weekend you have fun with your family and add some fitness in. It doesn’t have to be all about Cadbury Eggs and chocolate bunnies.

What are your plans for the holiday weekend?

Last night the kids went to my mom’s for a St. Patrick’s Day party, so John joined me at the gym for my workout. Which means he was designated camera boy! LOL

Instead of filming my fat ass to gym rat videos weekly, I’ve dropped them down to every other week. It keeps me off the computer editing film all the time, or perhaps thinking about playing a game or two of PartyPoker (www.partypoker.com) AND I like seeing more of the changes that two weeks perspective gives in comparison to one week. Plus, finding someone to film every week is a bit of a challenge since I workout alone a lot lately.

I’ve been mixing things up (for me) a bit and doing a little of a lot of different things. I get bored very easily, so it’s important that I’m able to change things around.

Last night, some of the exercises we did were: crunches on the incline bench, side crunches, knee/leg raises, arm presses, squats, leg press, several calves exercises, and other arm exercises. I really suck an exercise “names” so I hope most of those were right. I just do them!

Remember, you can see all my videos here and subscribe to my YouTube channel here.

I’ve also gotten to the point where working on my form is VERY IMPORTANT to me. I know I’m still not where I should be yet form wise, but if you look through my videos from the beginning, I think I’ve come a LONG WAY and I’m really proud of myself.

Do you have big plans for St. Patrick’s Day?

Instead of hitting the bar, maybe hit the gym instead?

Today I wanted to talk about revealing your weight to others – on blogs, in person, in public, etc. I think this is a very important topic.

As a woman in our society, there’s this feeling that if you get over the 200 lb mark, you are a big fat whale or swamp creature.

There’s this need to keep your true weight number under wraps and not share it with anyone. I have no idea why this is the case, but it’s the way I’ve always felt. It’s almost like 200 lbs or more for a woman is the end of the world. There’s a level of shame involved at that point. Maybe it’s self imposed. Maybe it’s not. Either way, I hate it and I think it sucks ass.

Let me tell you a story. Like the majority of you, I’m an emotional eater due to a lot of circumstances arising from my shitty childhood that were beyond my control. I was abandoned by my father at an early age and my older brother by six years was/is a bully that used to beat the crap out of me nearly every day that he could. I really had life stacked up against me. I used to cry nearly every single day as a child because I was so sad. In fact, I don’t remember much from my childhood. I guess I blocked a lot of it out because it really sucked.

Fast forward to Christmas of 2006. My deadbeat dad decided he wanted to suddenly be a part of my life after being absent many, many years. He had never even met my husband or my children, and I had been with John for at least seven years at that point. And of course my bully brother had to join in on the festivities too. The two of them are a magnificent team of deadbeat-bullies, and it was a holiday week that wasn’t so merry for me.

It’s funny because bully is a fat ass too. I hate this picture.
It’s so unflattering in so many ways. First, my weight.
Second, my family. We were never a real family. It’s all a put on
for the camera. I don’t even know these people.

I was so stressed out from the impending doom (and their arrival), I gained 10 lbs the week leading up to the holiday. You can see how puffy I was in the picture above. I was huge. I don’t remember the exact number on the scale, but I had to of been close to 265. I looked 300 due to the camera angle and puffiness. I hate that picture so much.

While deadbeat and bully where sitting at the table awaiting to be served Christmas dinner, I overheard them discussing my weight. Deadbeat said, “Yea, I think she’s close to 260-262.” Bully chimed in, “Nah, I’d go for 270.” Leave it to my brother to over-estimate. Typical. Of course, I was the only one who seemed to hear the humiliating discussion about my obesity. I was crushed. What kind of jacked up family does this?!? Why didn’t I stand up for myself and say something, anything?

The truth was, they were pretty close in their guesses. And I actually thought I looked slim in my jeans! What did I do after hearing this? Piled on the extra potatoes and stuffing. Such assholes. But it’s in the past, and I’ve owned it and it’s over with. It doesn’t make me who I am anymore. It does NOT define me. It defines the type of people those two are.

Which gets me back to the main topic. Why, as a woman in our society, are we so afraid to admit what our true weight is? We lie on our drivers licenses, we lie to our doctors (until they weigh us), we lie on the gym machines that ask for our weight, we lie, lie, lie. The truth of the matter is, most of us look what we weigh. If we weigh over 200 lbs, we look it. There’s no hiding it. It’s obvious. You’re not hiding a big secret. Everyone is in on it, trust me – people just like deadbeat and bully (in my case).

When I started this weight loss journey back in November, I bounced back and forth on whether I should share my true stats on my blog. What if one of my clients reads it? What if one of my friends knows my true number? And jenkies, what if someone from high school knows I’m carrying around a 100 lb mule around my waist and a few bowling balls on my ass?

In getting past my own Fat Denial Syndrome, I decided that I needed to put it out there. Yes, I’m a fat ass. Yes, I weigh over 250 lbs. It’s therapeutic. It’s the truth. And guess what? I’ll never be this weight. EVER. AGAIN. IN. MY. LIFE.

So I urge you – don’t be afraid to share your true weight on your blog. Own up to it, and get out of fat denial. It just may help you get the weight off.

(In case you are wondering, no, I don’t cry anymore, and haven’t for many, many years. In fact I think there is something wrong with me in that regard. LOL

I don’t let the opinions of others form how I feel about myself anymore – when I can help it. I’m a happy and positive person now.)

If you are new to my blog, I urge you to read these posts where I talk a little bit about this subject:

• Sharing your blog and weight loss journey with people in your life
• What if my clients see me working out at the gym? Do they know I’m a fat ass?