Posted by Bobbie | Posted in Eating Healthy, Facebook | Posted on Mon February 08, 2010
The other day I was chatting on Facebook with one of my very good friends from high school days. I shared with her my blog address, and while we were talking about health and weight loss, she brought up that bitch Little Debbie. Little Debbie had been shrinking her husband’s jeans. Apparently her husband had been having an affair with Little Debbie for quite sometime.
I knew who that little bitch was. She hides out at my grocery store on one of the end caps waiting – silently WAITING. Waiting for me to attempt to walk by without looking her way. Daring me to not steal a glance or pick her up.
Her outward appearance is very seductive and enticing,
making it so hard for me to ignore her advances.
My affair with Little Debbie started back during my high school days when my mom’s boyfriend would buy Little Debbie Donut Sticks for his lunches. I remember the first time he urged me to ask her out and I had a taste of Little Debbie. She was so delectable and sweet.
Up until then, I had been a Little Debbie virgin;
but once I had a taste, I was a full on addict.
Throughout the years, Little Debbie has always been there for me – in good times and in bad. That bitch Little Debbie can probably be accountable for at least one half of the size of my stomach fat. I’m not lying, nor am I exaggerating.
I distinctly recall a time when I was pregnant with my oldest son and I was attempting to highlight my very dark hair with tinges of golden rod with one of those do-it-yourself kits from the drug store. I was sitting in front of the t.v. watching a trashy Maury Povich episode with a brand new box of Little Debbie Zebra Cakes by my side. There was rarely a time when she WASN’T by my side.
I got so caught up in the trash on the tube (and the delectable
Zebra Cakes) I completely forgot to rinse out my hair bleach before
I finished off the last Zebra Cake from that bitch Little Debbie’s box.
You can guess how my hair looked – sort of like a ZEBRA.
My favorite Little Debbie was always the Fudge Brownie. I liked it old school until I met Fudge Brownie’s cousin – the Cosmic Brownie. That bitch was sweet. I could eat several in a sitting and then come back for more. Forget dinner! I’d have a few Cosmic Brownies. The funny thing was, there was nothing cosmic about the effects it had on my waistline or on my blood sugar – or the fact that I would be “hungry” in only an hour or so later.
Back in early November of 2009, I ended my affair with Little Debbie. Sure, my children flirt with her from time to time, but for the most part she’s not allowed in my home.
I know I’m healthier for it, but I will never
forget the memories we shared together. :(
Do you have an affair with Little Debbie? Have you thought about ending it yet?
Mon February 08, 2010 at 7:13 PM
Flippin Funny!!!
My obsession was Cream Cheese Icing… Yup… a tub & a spoon and I melting in its taste…..
Thanks for the laugh!
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Oh My God. I love cream cheese or cheese cake or anything with either of those two words!!!!
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Mon February 08, 2010 at 7:15 PM
Very funny post! I grew up with Drake’s Devil Dogs…. I ‘d love to see what you do with that name! I can’t get them in the Midwest, which is probably a good thing. A few times when I have gone back east I have gone shopping to pick up a package. Last summer when we drove our son to college, I desperately wanted to stop and buy some. But we didn’t and as a result I bought tons of other crap on the 18 hour drive home and really wished I’d just had what I really wanted. Sigh.
WaistingTime´s last blog ..Derailed by a Triscuit?
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
I’ve never heard of Drake’s Devil Dogs but man do they sound good!!!! LOL
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michele Reply:
March 11th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
omg…drakes devil dogs are SO MUCH BETTER than little debbie devil cremes! i’m pregnant and really wanted a devil dog recently, but cannot find them in NC, so i settled for a little debbie devil creme…YUCK! the creme has a weird oily consistency and a gritty texture and is WAY too sweet…a devil dogs’ creme is actually creamy and the perfect amount of sweetness. i just drove back up to NJ to visit family and bought A TON of drakes devil dogs while i was there…MMM…DEVIL DOGS!!! (i also bought drakes yodels and ring dings while i was in NJ too…little debbie just can’t hold a candle to those tasty treats!)
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Mon February 08, 2010 at 7:16 PM
lol! that was hysterical. thanks for the giggles.
while i don’t believe i’ve fomerly met little debbie, i was very intimate with that seductress, tastykake. i could down the tandytakes or chocolate cupcakes like nobody’s business. i ended the affair when i became binge-free a little over two years ago. i hope to re-meet up with tastykake in the future, when i’m able to eat just one pack at a time.
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
tastykake – LOL!!!! Yeah I’ve never been able to stop at just one pack. I have no self control when it comes to Little Debbie or sugar for that matter. It takes hold of me and I lose all control!
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Mon February 08, 2010 at 7:39 PM
Crack – too funny!
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Yeah I love that picture!!!! ha ha
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Mon February 08, 2010 at 7:39 PM
Yup, I know that bitch Little Debbie too. She lured me in way back when I used to be married. My ex liked Little Debbie in his lunch (she seduced him first). I would buy 1 or 2 boxes of her cakes (usually swiss cake rolls or zebra cakes) per week. After I packed my ex’s lunch (I know, wtf was wrong w/me, he should have packed his own lunch) that hussy would call me from the living room. I would end up scarfing down at least one or two cakes per night.
When I ended the marriage I gave Little Debbie the boot too. However, we’ve had a fling now and then. She sells her cakes individually in Highs for 25 or 50 cents. I’ve been known to indulge now and then, but she’s not allowed in my house again.
Another time we met up was when a coupon lured me into purchasing a box of the cupcakes you show above in your first picture. It was triple coupon day and I was so pleased with myself for getting the box for like 25 cents. Just a fair warning, DO NOT BUY THESE CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES. If you like dark chocolate, you will eat this entire box at once. Just sayin’…
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
One word – HUSSY. Freaking love it!!!!! I knew I wasn’t alone!
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Mon February 08, 2010 at 7:41 PM
You are too fuuny!! Yes, I’ve had an affair with little debbie cakes. It started in high school with those dang fudge rounds and pecan pies. I’ve ended it and run whenever I see her now. LOL!!!
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
I never got into the pecan pies, but the fudge rounds… well that’s a different story. They kind helped my ass get round that’s for sure!!! LOL
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Mon February 08, 2010 at 8:10 PM
YES! I had a long affair with Little Debbie! My favorite’s the fudge brownie…MMMM!! I’m proud to say I broke up with her about a month ago, and I haven’t gone crawling back since! Although She definitely tries to whisper sweet little nothings into my ear at the grocery store!
Brittany´s last blog ..Goals, and a Recipe
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
yeah stupid Little Debbie bitch! lol
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Mon February 08, 2010 at 8:12 PM
Well…I have to say this is quite hilarious!!! I can’t say that I have had an affair with that Bitch Little Debbie but with food in general!! Growing up we always had to finish our platesm entirely even if we were full. That was the rule. It took many years to decided I really could walk away from the table with something still on my plate. I love to bake too but I do not eat what I bake, I give it away. Baking is something I do to calm myself. Seems kind of silly but it works for me, and I just give it away. It gives me pleasure to know that someone els can enjoy it!!
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
I know what you mean about clearing the plate. I was raised that way too and man, is that tough to get out of your head when that’s how you’re brought up. The only problem is that I took that too the next level – the level of “finish the box of cosmic brownies” level. Not good. ha ha
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Mon February 08, 2010 at 8:21 PM
nutty bars. ’nuff said.
liz´s last blog ..Planning Ahead
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
ooohhhh…. I forgot about those. Man those were good! I haven’t had those in a very long time but I can still remember how good they were!
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liz Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 7:27 am
dude, they’re not even real chocolate, how come they are so good?!
by the way, when i was watching superbowl commercials (not a sportsfan) i realized i have not had any of my beloved doritoes since november!
liz´s last blog ..Planning Ahead
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 10:08 am
Are you serious? I mean about the chocolate? It makes you wonder how come their “so” good. Maybe they are putting in synthetic ingredients so that they will get you addicted. (Like crack.)
Mon February 08, 2010 at 8:29 PM
Yes, I was also caught in the evil clutches of LD, specifically the Swiss Rolls. Okay, and the Nutty Buddies. And, every once-in-awhile the Oatmeal Cream Pies Oh, and the Banana Twins.
I’m pleased to report that it IS possible to walk away and never look back. I’m at three years and counting in the LD-free life. Now that I’m at goal, I could have a snack cake now and then, but it’s really a symbolic statement at this point. Besides, I’d rather splurge on the good stuff now.
P.S.
I forgot the Zebra Cakes. I ate those too. :)
Cammy@TippyToeDiet´s last blog ..The Week That Was
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
ha ha!!!! Oatmeal cream pies… Now those are addictive!
You are a great example of how you can walk away and life still goes on without Little Debbie. :)
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Tue February 09, 2010 at 8:43 AM
Hey, HAPPY BDAY! Hope it turns out to be a good one with or without that bitch Little Debbie!!!!
Me, I loved all sweets along with cinnamon rolls but those damn Hostess cupcakes, ding dongs & those cinnamon crumb coffee cakes!!! OMG, I could eat a box of those coffee cakes!
Thank god I am off those & I love my healthy breads & then have my big ole cookie treat on the weekend.. OK< maybe I have two!!! :-)
Enjoy your day!
Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Supermarket Secrets That Can Make You Sick
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Thx Jody, so far the day is going great.
Yeah, I could eat a box of anything sweet. I have such a hard time exercising control with things like that. It’s like someone else takes control over me.
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Tue February 09, 2010 at 11:00 AM
oh yes. That little cupcake hoe is a bitch indeed! But i’m free of her. But just don’t say Devil Dog. He’s hunting me down!
Yum Yucky´s last blog ..Tasting! Quaker Oatmeal Pancake Mix
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Devil Dog… LOL!!!
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Tue February 09, 2010 at 2:23 PM
I hate that Little Debbie. Her Swiss cake Rolls and her Raisin creme pies are more seductive than a lot of men! AND she lives right across from the milk aisle at my grocery store… no getting away from her…
Shelby´s last blog ..Can I Pray For You?
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Gotta run and run fast!!!! ha ha
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Tue February 09, 2010 at 3:58 PM
Dude. I think Little Debbie Bitch and Chester the douce-bag cheeto-cheetah should have lunch sometime! Cheetos are my red-light food. I have learned the hard way that keeping a bag of Chester around means that I will have muchie-attacks all. day. long.
Damn but an oatmeal cream pie sounds good now. ugh.
Great post! :)
~Kellie
The Chubby Girl Diaries´s last blog ..All or nothing at all
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Anonymous Fat Girl Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
I like that saying “red light food”. I’d say Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies are at the top of my red light food list. :)
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Fri February 19, 2010 at 8:55 AM
[...] Caught up in an affair with that bitch Little Debbie [...]
Fri February 19, 2010 at 3:17 PM
Oh, that Little Debbie is not allowed to come over to my house anymore! My weakness was the Nutter Butter bars AND the zebra cakes.
Angela´s last blog ..
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Thu March 11, 2010 at 8:47 AM
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