The other day on my Facebook wall I posted a question in regards to depression:

I got some really good suggestions; and I think the question touched a nerve with a few readers. I also got some great email feedback.

I’m pretty thankful that I’ve never dived into the depths of depression for long and I’ve always had a sunny disposition and positive way of looking at life.

That being said, I have had my brief struggles with intermediate periods of depression, in particular after some of my pregnancies. Nothing serious or crazy, but just feeling down in the dumps. Gaining weight and feeling like I’m stuck in a fat body forever can also make me feel like this.

Today, I’m sharing a post with you from Roy Cohen’s Contemplative Fitness. Although he wrote this last August, I think it will resonate with some of you.

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Exercise, and a clear head…
by Roy Cohen

Next month it will have been one year since writer, David Foster Wallace, ended his life. His death has affected me more than any other – even more than the deaths of my own friends and family members through the years. His death still haunts me, and I’m glad.

I feel compelled to share something with you that you might find alarming. If that statement alone concerns you, then please read no further. You see, many days of my life I wake up and must decide whether to put a toothbrush in my mouth, or a revolver. This has been a choice I have faced on awakening on many occasions since my teens. Since I don’t own a revolver, and possess an obvious genetic predisposition toward dirty teeth, and that I still see so much beauty and so many possibilities in the frame of a day, toothbrush always wins.

I work hard, very hard, at reminding myself of all the reasons why toothbrush should win – and it should. No, I’m not suicidal, just more honest about a taboo subject than most; depression, and the thoughts depression fosters in the lonely cave of an active consciousness. I do understand why people do it though – why people choose to end their lives. I understand better though, why people don’t do it – why we shouldn’t do it. This understanding is getting easier with age – the understanding of why people choose not to kill themselves. The anniversary next month of this sad loss will be a reminder to me, of why a beautiful mind should prioritize, and strive to fulfill it’s possibilities and potential.

David Foster Wallace was a person I admired, and even sought to be more like. His writing style, thought process, flippant attitude in the public eye, and express honesty in speaking, all captivated me. Though I never read Infinite Jest, I absorbed his essays and short stories. To me, he　remains more relevant to my generation than Kurt Cobain or Tupac. I learned only after his death, that he and I had a common antagonist; the relentless clashing of thoughts in the blender of our heads which comes from cyclical depression.

Exercise, rigorous exercise, has been my medication in dealing with (my) depression for some time now. Exercise works, and it’s how I cope – how I deal with life’s challenges, and the puppets of another ilk perpetrating lesser thoughts in my head. There are a lot of reasons to exercise; looking good, keeping blood pressure down, staving off the loss of bone density, improving balance and flexibility, increasing every day strength, and so-on. Tonight though, I reflect on the most important reason (for me) to exercise – it keeps me stable.

Increasingly, physicians, psychiatrists, and psychologists are recommending exercise for persons who live with depression, as well as other mood related disorders. In some instances, exercise can help minimize or even eliminate the need for medication – this to be the judgment and the discretion of the treating authority. A dose of exercise goes to work quickly and has few side affects – its good stuff. Rigorous exercise can make a difference and how one may receive a moment and a circumstance – or not. Exercise, for many, can also pave the road for a new day tomorrow. Be well. rc

After to reading this post, please take time to visit the link below:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122178211966454607.html

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Have you ever struggled with depression or known someone who has?

I have a problem with “diets” and plans that require individuals to eat prepackaged foods to lose weight. It pisses me off and I’ll tell you why.

The other day one of my favorite weight loss bloggers had a Facebook question for his followers that basically stated NutriSystem had offered him to use the program if he promoted it on his site. This weight loss blogger has lost over 200 lbs already and is super fit and has no need for the program, so he asked if any of his followers would be interested in trying it free.

I need to make it clear I am in no way bashing this weight loss blogger I am referring to. He is a good man and has helped so many with his blogging and is an inspiration to me. He has a good heart.

That being said, I was SHOCKED at how many people volunteered for the NutriSystem program on his Facebook comment. Just for free food. Or maybe for a chance at a quick weight loss. I don’t know what the end game was, but it bothered me.

I understand completely that these programs do help people lose weight. They may jump start someone’s loss and MAY possibly lead to a lifetime of health and fitness. That is not the norm though.

Some statistics for you…

Marketdata projects 6.0% annual growth for the total U.S. weight loss market, to $68.7 billion by 2010…

Diet food home delivery grows into an $800 million market segment, fueled by NutriSystem, Jenny Direct, Medifast and a few dozen others. The average monthly cost for consumers is $725.

Market leaders Weight Watchers ($1.2 bill.), NutriSystem ($568 mill.), LA Weight Loss ($500 mill.), Jenny Craig ($462 mill.), Slim-Fast ($310 mill.), Herbalife ($271 mill. “ U.S. diet prods. sales).

“Americans are still patronizing scam artists and rip-off weight loss companies as much as they ever have, as they desperately search for the magic formula or plan that makes weight loss effortless,” according to Mr. LaRosa.

Source

As a child I watched my mom’s weight balloon out of control. She has tried every diet known to man. When I reached my teens I was about 150-155 lbs at 5′ 9″. Not fat by any means, but I thought I was. So I went on the Form U 3 (one of the popular options at the time) meal replacement diet with her. We both lost weight, she lost a TON of weight. She gained it back. I particularly remember the packaged noodles and how they tasted like rubber. Yuck.

What a stupid plan. But so many do it…

Then there was SlimFast. I remember she’d buy the tubs of powdered shakes. She lost a TON of weight. She gained it back, as soon as she went off the shakes. I would mix the shake powder with ice cream and all kinds of goodies and throw it in the blender! Those suckers were good. Too bad I probably doubled my caloric intake instead of decreasing it.

Gotta get that weight off as soon as possible! (Then gain it back just as fast.)

My mom went on MediFast a few years ago. She works at a hospital and they had a special “plan” where the employees could use their health savings plan to pay for it. She lost a TON of weight. She gained it back. When she went off the plan at the end of her allotted time, they told her to “eat healthy” and make the right choices. She didn’t know how to eat healthy because they never taught her to eat anything outside of shakes and soups. She was sick for weeks because her body couldn’t digest proper food. Sounds like fun, huh?

“Results not typical”. Neither is keeping the weight off long term, right?

My mom bought NutriSystem not to long ago. She lost a TON of weight. She gained it back. Guess who got the rejected NutriSystem soups that tasted like shit? She dropped them off to me. I put them in the trash.

When will my mom learn? I do not know. She is currently back on the diet pill phentermine. It’s like talking to a brick wall. She is the perfect consumer for these multi-billion dollar weight loss industry giants. Hook, line and sinker. It makes me incredibly sad.

My mother in law bought NutriSystem off of QVC a few months ago as well. We visited and I saw all of the NutriSystem meals laid out on her dining room table as she was sorting them. I asked her why she would waste her money on prepackaged crap? She didn’t answer. A few weeks ago she stopped by my house and I asked her how NutriSystem was going. She told me it wasn’t. The food tasted like CRAP and she couldn’t eat it. Plus, they don’t tell you all the sodium that is in the foods, do they?

Look, I do not know much about dieting – I will tell you that. I’ve never succeeded at dieting. What I have succeeded with in the last 6-7 months is eating REAL FOOD that I can buy locally from my co-op, meat market, and fresh produce from my supermarket.

I may not be losing as FAST as the people in the NutriSystem commercials do but I don’t care. There is no quick fix. There is no magic pill that lasts a lifetime folks. Think about it. Why would you want to go through months of shitty foods to get weight off only to gain it all back after you stop eating them because you never learned how to eat real food and fix the demons that got you large in the first place? Does it make any sense at all? HELL NO.

When people tell me they cannot afford to eat healthy, buy fruits and vegetables or organics but then I hear they want to be on NutriSystem at a price of $725 per month PER PERSON I know they are not serious. I spend $400-$500 a month on groceries for a family of FIVE and we buy organic whenever reasonably possible. Yes, it means I travel a distance to do this, yes I plan out our meals, yes I shop at three to four stores every week and frequent local farms but I do it and it’s working for us. I live in a pretty remote area and do not have access to a Trader Joe’s or large city options.

If you want to eat healthy and lose weight, you CAN do it and do it with REGULAR FOOD. It takes a WANT to do it, HARD WORK and some imagination. If I can do this, YOU CAN DO THIS. Stop being that “consumer” the big weight loss companies are looking for. Stop lining their pockets. Give your money to the local farmer or supermarket. Do it the right way.

Have you ever tried any of these prepackaged diets? Thoughts?

I had a bit of a revelation last night during some blog reading. I hate feeling depressed and like shit after I read someone’s post about how miserable their life is and how bad it all is and how their life sucks balls and they cannot make getting healthy a priority. You know, reading EVERY SINGLE excuse (possibly known to man) to sit around and be fat and eat cream puffs.

I posted this on my Anonymous Fat Girl Facebook wall last night:

We all have a CHOICE. A FREAKING CHOICE to take care of ourselves and love our bodies. The decision that we are NOT WORTH IT is made one way or the other – consciously or subconsciously – but it is MADE when we make that FREAKING CHOICE to sit on our asses and do nothing or feed ourselves copious amounts of Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies.

Look, I know you are struggling. I know it’s hard to change your habits long term. I know how one negative thing can set the tone for the day. I GET THIS! If you are struggling right now and you are doing it the healthy way – the struggle will pass. It may take a lot of time, but it WILL get easier. Just know this. Don’t give up hope.

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself… ‘How did I get through all of that?”
-Unknown

On a positive note, I ran my fastest mile yesterday at the gym at 10 minutes and 15 seconds. My goal this month is to get below 10 minutes. It’s doable. Mind over matter.

Do you have any goals this month? What would you say to those that are struggling and depressed and ready to give up?

Have you ever had a friend – particularly on social media sites like Facebook – mention they are trying to lose weight? Sometimes it appears that they are wanting advice but then again maybe they are not.

Recently I saw this post:

“Jennie-O turkey brat, 20 french fries and zucchini…very good! I hope when I get to heaven my body is perfect and I won’t want food.”

I know she’s really trying hard to do this. I just wanted to give her a big hug. She’s such a sweet person. My heart goes out to her because I know exactly how she feels. I’ve been there more times than not.

I never quite know what to do in situations like this. Should I tell her that her logic is likely flawed? Should I mention what I’m doing? Should I just say “good job”? Should I say anything at all? Should I stop over thinking everything in my entire life?!

What I wanted to say in reply was brats are pretty fattening, french fries are evil and zucchini is a great choice. Oh, and I wanted to say it’s okay to want food – and you CAN have good food. But guess what? I didn’t say anything at all. NOTHING. Nada. Zip.

Look, I realize I’m no expert on this journey to get fit and healthy. I’m only down about 30 lbs in 5 months – which isn’t the fastest loss in history – and I by no means have it all down. I get all that – BUT I’m doing this. LONG TERM. This is the first time in my life that I have changed my eating habits for this long and for good.

Instead of getting disappointed with myself that I haven’t lost any weight in the last several weeks, I realize this is the FIRST TIME I’ve ever maintained my weight in my entire adult life for an extended period of time! During vacations and stress to boot. And I’m entering week two of P90X. I feel pretty much like a rock star.

All of that being said, I don’t feel like the advice giving guru. Yes, I know the answer to getting healthy and fit. I guess I don’t feel like I’m at the point where I can just go around helping people yet.

What would you do in that situation? Was it wrong that I didn’t share anything with her? (I had given her my blog address several months ago and I don’t think she was interested then.)

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You may be wondering why I haven’t posted any new videos lately. I broke my video camera during some recent filming. I tried propping it up and it fell hard on the cement floor and whamo! Now it won’t record at all. I’m looking at getting a flip video camera. Anyone use one of these? Thoughts on a particular favorite brand?

Here’s my girl helping make stir fry sauce.

Also, I’ve started a new tradition in my household. For dinner every evening, all of us together as a family prepares a Clean Eating Magazine recipe. It’s turned into a lot of fun! I’m thinking about setting up a sub blog with my clean eating recipes and experiences so I don’t crowd this blog so much.

Have a great Monday!

I still cannot believe that I am ENJOYING outdoor running. I mean, ME? Running? Ha ha!!! For real, right?!

On Facebook my husband posted that he was really excited that he ran 2.1 miles with me. One of his old buddies posted, “Bobbie ran with you? When did she stop smoking!?”

I had to chuckle. It was much better than the alternative of: “Bobbie ran with you? When did she get off her fat ass and do anything besides sit on the couch all day!?”

Really, I’m chuckling to myself right now. Because it would have been the truth.

John’s poor buddy hasn’t seen me for at least ten years. Not too long after, I gave up the cigarettes when I got pregnant with my first child. I thought, “Why should I subject my child to smoking when it’s not his choice?” I wish I would have taken it a step further back then, and applied that thought to my eating habits and lack of exercise.

But then I think, why should I even beat myself up about it? I’m headed in the right direction NOW and everything is going to be okay. I’m a new person TODAY.

Today we all went for a walk. Yeah, the kids got slurpees.
Not the healthiest choice, but it’s a rare treat I allowed. :)

I often wonder if the new me is a better me than the old me.

Who was the old me?

The old me was always preoccupied with how fat I was and how I fit in my clothes. Even though I projected a lot of self confidence, the thought of my fatness was always somewhere in my subconscious.

I would be winded and sweaty just going up stairs. I would be enormously embarrassed when I couldn’t stop sweating because of being winded due to my large size and then I would make myself sweat even more.

I hated to go shopping. Despised it. I now know it was because I felt like they only made multi-color tents in my size.

It wasn’t outdoor running today, but it was fun!

These things are slowly dissipating with each pound I lose and each mile I run. I’m doing this. I’m loving that I’m doing it. I’m not going to lie to you, there are moments where it’s hard – and there are easy moments too. But with each new day, I’m finding my choices are on auto-pilot. And I’m happy about that.

I’m a better mom. I’m not just there, I’m PRESENT. I’m moving. I’m active. I’m happier, and I’m starting to enjoy shopping!

I’d say YES, the new me is better than the old me.

Have you changed who you are?

What are the biggest things you’ve changed?